Dermatillomania
04:11:00Dermatillomania- "Excoriation disorder is an impulse control disorder characterized by the repeated urge to pick at one's own skin" , it is also known as compulsive skin picking or CSP. The picking of the skin can take place in numerous different area's of the body and has been linked to obsessive compulsive disorder and shares similarities with trichotilliomania.
In all honesty I hadn't actually heard of dermatillomania or CSP until a few years back, for me picking my skin was a completely natural and normal thing to do. I don't remember ever starting it, but I can't remember a time of not doing it. For me it's just always been there and I've always considered it to be a completely normal thing and I would just sit and do it without even realizing; it confused and grossed out a lot of people and I never understood why and would get quite upset when people would get annoyed at me for doing it because I didn't understand what I was doing wrong.
Even when discovering what this thing I did was, it didn't actually stop me or slow me down in doing it and I'd still do it when I felt a particularly large amount of negative emotion; anger, anxiety, sadness, frustration or even boredom a lot of the time. If I'm being honest with you, there was no moment of realisation where I went "RIGHT, I need to stop this!" and I still haven't reached that point because for me personally I think it will take a long time for me to fully stop. However, compared to the rate and amount that I used to do it I have greatly improved. I used to pick my skin, every day; there was not a day I wouldn't do it. A lot of people thought that I would just pick my arms and shoulders, in actual fact I would pick my arms, shoulders, chest, face, neck, head, knee's and my thighs.
Nowadays, I pick a couple of times a week and that's usually because I'm bored, frustrated, upset etc. Although you're probably thinking "well that's still not great" considering how much I used to do it, this is an extreme improvement for me because what a lot of people don't understand is how hard it really is to stop something you can't even remember starting. The way I explain it to people who don't understand is like this if you smoke, drink, take drugs or eat food and you are particularly addicted to one of these things you are unable to willingly stop that is how I feel. It isn't that I don't want to stop; if I could have beautifully smooth and scar free arms then I would 110%. It is not as easy as that, I can't just wake up one day and say "I am never going to pick again" and then stop for the rest of my life.
If you suffer with CSP, trichotilliomania, dermatillomania or any other problem that makes you feel bad about yourself and the way you look. I'm so sorry that you have to go through this, you are such a strong person and you aren't alone. I find a lot of methods don't work for me; the best one for me is honestly when I'm tanned or I've had the sun on my arms for a long time as I find that the heat helps to settle the scarring and any imperfections I can see that I want to pick, I can't tell you why but for me it just works. You may find that something different works for you. In all honesty you just need to trying and seeing what works best for you. I also use my nails so I find if I'm going through a particularly bad spell I will cut my nails off or get fake nails (I find it impossible to pick with fake nails on).
The last thing I am going to say if you suffer with CSP; don't feel ashamed. Don't feel embarrassed or weird because it isn't your fault and don't let anyone tell you it is, it can't be helped. If you're patient you will eventually find a way to get better with it or stop it all together and if you do good for you and if you are still fighting with it now then you are not a failure and don't give up!
I hope this has been helpful for some of you and eye opening for the rest of you!
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