Dermatillomania- "Excoriation disorder is an impulse control disorder characterized by the repeated urge to pick at one's own skin" , it is also known as compulsive skin picking or CSP. The picking of the skin can take place in numerous different area's of the body and has been linked to obsessive compulsive disorder and shares similarities with trichotilliomania. 

In all honesty I hadn't actually heard of dermatillomania or CSP until a few years back, for me picking my skin was a completely natural and normal thing to do. I don't remember ever starting it, but I can't remember a time of not doing it. For me it's just always been there and I've always considered it to be a completely normal thing and I would just sit and do it without even realizing; it confused and grossed out a lot of people and I never understood why and would get quite upset when people would get annoyed at me for doing it because I didn't understand what I was doing wrong. 

Even when discovering what this thing I did was, it didn't actually stop me or slow me down in doing it and I'd still do it when I felt a particularly large amount of negative emotion; anger, anxiety, sadness, frustration or even boredom a lot of the time. If I'm being honest with you, there was no moment of realisation where I went "RIGHT, I need to stop this!" and I still haven't reached that point because for me personally I think it will take a long time for me to fully stop. However, compared to the rate and amount that I used to do it I have greatly improved. I used to pick my skin, every day; there was not a day I wouldn't do it. A lot of people thought that I would just pick my arms and shoulders, in actual fact I would pick my arms, shoulders, chest, face, neck, head, knee's and my thighs.

Nowadays, I pick a couple of times a week and that's usually because I'm bored, frustrated, upset etc. Although you're probably thinking "well that's still not great" considering how much I used to do it, this is an extreme improvement for me because what a lot of people don't understand is how hard it really is to stop something you can't even remember starting. The way I explain it to people who don't understand is like this if you smoke, drink, take drugs or eat food and you are particularly addicted to one of these things you are unable to willingly stop that is how I feel. It isn't that I don't want to stop; if I could have beautifully smooth and scar free arms then I would 110%. It is not as easy as that, I can't just wake up one day and say "I am never going to pick again" and then stop for the rest of my life. 

If you suffer with CSP, trichotilliomania, dermatillomania or any other problem that makes you feel bad about yourself and the way you look. I'm so sorry that you have to go through this, you are such a strong person and you aren't alone. I find a lot of methods don't work for me; the best one for me is honestly when I'm tanned or I've had the sun on my arms for a long time as I find that the heat helps to settle the scarring and any imperfections I can see that I want to pick, I can't tell you why but for me it just works. You may find that something different works for you. In all honesty you just need to trying and seeing what works best for you. I also use my nails so I find if I'm going through a particularly bad spell I will cut my nails off or get fake nails (I find it impossible to pick with fake nails on). 

The last thing I am going to say if you suffer with CSP; don't feel ashamed. Don't feel embarrassed or weird because it isn't your fault and don't let anyone tell you it is, it can't be helped. If you're patient you will eventually find a way to get better with it or stop it all together and if you do good for you and if you are still fighting with it now then you are not a failure and don't give up! 
If you suffer with ANY type of problem whether it be dermatillomania, trichotilliomania, CSP, OCD, BDD or if you're just having a bad day and don't suffer with anything and just want to moan then you can tweet me, or find my email in the side bar. I'm happy to talk and just listen if you need to chat with someone who has an outsiders perspective then I will reply ASAP. 

I hope this has been helpful for some of you and eye opening for the rest of you! 

*This blog claims no credit for any images posted on this site unless otherwise noted. Images on this blog are copyright to its respectful owners. If there is an image appearing on this blog that belongs to you and do not wish for it appear on this site, please E-mail with a link to said image and it will be promptly removed*

Hello lovely blogger friends, yes I am alive and no I haven't fallen down a well! I just thought I'd write out a quick post just to apologise for being really pants with my blogging this month. I started off the month really good thinking I'd be able to get a load written and sorted, but I'm just not that much of a pro blogger unfortunately. This month has been absolutely manic, parties, nights out, work, bbq's and spending a large amount of that time with my lovely boyfriend.

I was talking to my mum and dad about this the other day and they jokingly mentioned how a few months ago I said I would nerves have a social life again and it got me thinking a lot. When I finished my a levels I really wasnt a good place for the next 2/3 months; I got very depressed sand anxious and just generally got stuck in a bit of a rut because I didn't really have anything . I started blogging because I always wanted to and this seemed like the perfect time as I had nothing else.

My life has changed dramatically in the half a year or so and I'm so thankful for it,but that's why I decided to write this post- as an apology. This blog is my pride and joy and I'm so thankful for each and every one of you beautiful people that actually take time out to read what I post. So I'm really going to push myself next month to get some posts up, so don't give up in me just yet!

XOXO

slag, slut, whore, slapper, skank, hooker, tramp, tart, hoe and promiscuous.
These are only a few of the many words thrown at women (and of course men, but in this case I'm writing about women) by men, but even sadder is the fact that other women are actually referring to one another in this way. Now I will admit, as everyone has in the past I will have been out and seen a women do something that to me is pretty foul but as I have grown in age and also as a person I have learnt this is no way to act towards anyone! Never judge a book by it's cover and all that malarkey.

Now in the media and in society in general, women are portrayed as needing to be pretty little feminine things that should be "seen and not heard" now LUCKILY, this is changing and it's absolutely fab that everyone is allowed to be the person that they want to be. However, I still think that deep down a large number of people still think women should be women and men should be men. Now don't get me wrong; I wear make up and do my hair and dress in skirts and pretty things, but I also like to wear shirts and jeans and go out looking like poo without being judged and talking openly about sex like men do without being considered disgusting.

I think sex especially is a huge taboo subject still and I know a lot of people feel uncomfortable talking about it, and some of you will probably feel uncomfortable reading this. I understand to a lot of people it is very private and obviously I keep my love life and sex life to myself, but I have been brought up by my parents to be open and honest and this is something I will encourage my children to do if I have them. I know a lot of people have always been confused by how openly I will speak about this area, with friends and family. Of course I have lines and boundaries of what I say and what I don't, but if men can joke about sex with their friends then why can't women? 

What disgusts me the most is that, women should stick up for one another. If a girl likes to have sex and considers her own safety and the safety of others, then in all honesty what is she actually doing wrong? N-O-T-H-I-N-G. If a girl wants to save herself for marriage and is still a virgin at 23 WHO CARES, these are not the qualities we should judge people on. You should never judge someone because of how they dress or how they act as it is their body and their choice and as human beings we should respect this. 

I can handle when a man insults me, yeah it sucks but who cares really? However, when another female decides to tell me or others around me that I am a slag or whore and that I have 'no morals' that is when I start to get peeved. What gives you the right, to go around and judge me because I am not the same as you? Being confident around men and being confident within myself as a person and my sexuality does now mean that I am a slag or a lesbian or anything else. That is another thing that annoys me, if you tell a female she is attractive the automatic thing is "oh she is obviously a lesbian" NO YOU ARE JUST ATTRACTIVE NEXT TIME I WON'T BOTHER TRYING TO LIFT YOUR SPIRITS YOU UNGRATEFUL GREMLIN. 

As a teenager; I hated myself. I seriously hated myself, I'd look at myself and just sob because I was so disgusting to myself. I looked like shit, and thus constantly belittled myself and told myself I was ugly. Now I am an adult and have learnt more about myself, I have learnt that actually I am not ugly. I am beautiful on the inside, I don't judge people for who they are, if you need my help and I don't even know you I will be up until 4 in the morning trying to help you, I will make myself look like the biggest moron EVER just to see you crack a smile. So yes; I am no Mila Kunis, but I am beautiful in that I can now look at myself and think "yeah I'm alright" and because I am now comfortable with myself people think this makes me some sort of dirty prostitute? No, it doesn't work like that. 

If you are a man who voices your opinions on how women should dress and act, SHUT UP. You are not a women, nor will you ever experience being a women. I don't care if you don't like my leggins and if you think that all girl's should be 'natural' then ask why a girl stops making an effort if she doesn't do anything with her appearance. If you are a female who voices your opinions on women, KEEP THEM TO YOURSELVES. You wouldn't like if a female came up to you and said "you're speaking confidently to a group of men, you're such a tramp" nonononoNO it doesn't work like that. Also if you EVER use anything a women wears, says or does to justify rape or sexual/domestic abuse; You need to reevaluate your life and stop acting like you are perfect, because trust me sweetheart. You aren't.
I'm sorry that this has been such a rant post, but it is one subject I feel strongly about. I am sick and tired of women feeling that no matter what they do is wrong; if you're shy and hide your body then you're frigid and don't try hard enough and 'no man will want you' and if you actually think 'I am a beautiful queen bee' and feel good about yourself then you are a disgrace. So ladies (and gents) stop making each other feel like shit please.
*This blog claims no credit for any images posted on this site unless otherwise noted. Images on this blog are copyright to its respectful owners. If there is an image appearing on this blog that belongs to you and do not wish for it appear on this site, please E-mail with a link to said image and it will be promptly removed*